We have all had experiences of running into problems with work colleagues due to a clash of values or even genuine misunderstandings of each other's intentions. In my previous posts I wrote about what happens when we try to pretend that these things aren't there and/or don't matter (the elephant in the room), or when we resort to defending ourselves from further misunderstanding by avoidance, minimisation and denial. The latter can result in the confusion of emotional incongruence between work colleagues and a breakdown of trust. If this situation is allowed to remain unchallenged then it will undermine our capacity to sustain harmonious working relationships characterised by openness and acceptance, which are essential to maximise productivity and an employee's investment in shared organisational values.
So, how to get from misunderstanding, poor trust and the resulting confusion of emotional incongruence, to the openness and vitality we need in work groups that enhance productivity and organisational development? We have looked at methods of addressing the elephant in the room, but too often 'the elephant' is the exploration of emotional realities in the workplace per-se, as many organisational cultures send out prohibitive messages about emotional processing at work. 'Don't bring your problems to work with you,' is a common shared assumption in many organisational work groups, however what about the problems generated at work by the emotional realities we face in our collegial relationships? We don't 'bring these to work', they are the inevitable consequence of a number of adults being in the same place for 7 to 8 hours a day, 5 to 6 days a week. In this situation you must expect a certain amount of conflict to arise. Yet conflict can drive a lot of creative activity if accepted non-judgementally, aired openly and opportunities to achieve compromise and resolution are provided. When conflict is handled well it deepens trust and it enlarges the scope of workplace relationships to evolve into something more than task focused instruments of the organisation. When work relationships become more than task orientated associations, they have the capacity to enhance well-being, increase productivity and enrich a shared vision. Individuals will then invest themselves wholly in their work life as passionately as they do elsewhere. When this happens, companies, organisations and work groups only benefit.
But we will always have to deal with conflict, especially in an age of multiple communicative methods like email, instant messaging, texting, phones, video conferencing and old fashioned face to face contact, all of which can take place in an instant across massive geographic and cultural divides as the world has shrunk to a global village. We have so many more opportunities to misunderstand each other, and an avoidance of that reality risks entrenching organisations in methods of working that are outdated for life in the 21st century, rendering them non-competitive and ineffective. We have to face it- the potential for conflict AND creativity increases the more we communicate, and especially so the more we communicate across cultural divides. We cannot have one without the other- the stimulating and dynamic energy of cultural diversity drives greater innovation, as much as it exposes us to more misinterpretation. This is not a bad thing.
I suggest that the way to move forward in an increasingly complex network of communication is for workers to be trained in cross cultural negotiation grounded in mindfulness and acceptance strategies. Essential to this is an open handed attitude to others that allows for misunderstandings and mutual forgiveness, rather than a defensive retreat to instrumental relationships riddled with incongruence. So often the pride that manifests when parties are involved in frozen conflict imprisons us in fear and resentment underneath pro-social greetings and smiles . And underneath the frozen conflict is a disappointed desire to be in harmony and achieve our mutual goals. So, after many years of working abroad in cultures very different to my own, I am evolving a much more flexible, forgiving attitude grounded in an open admission that I don't understand what's going on, or that I sense I may have made a mistake I am unaware of. Using humour also helps. Right now I work between the USA, the UK, India and Sri Lanka. Each culture is very distinct although Western and Eastern divides do broadly exist. I can only survive it and thrive in it by being flexible and open to learning from my periodic mistakes. When we convey some humility about our situation then people find it easy to forgive us…..it's our pride that gets in the way. Forgiveness frees us to learn, digest and expand our horizons to include a wider perspective. It's spacious and unifying. It makes work a source of nourishment and the organisation fit to thrive in the complexity of global communication networks.
So let it go and let it be, but if it's not possible to be that detached, then do go into it, give it some air, accept the different perspectives, and then let it go anyway. Most of us are doing the best we can with the resources we have, so let's reach out in good faith to others, that given the opportunity, they are just as in favour of openness and harmony as we are. Mistakes are made out of ignorance most often rather than malice, and underneath the confusion caused we will usually find a deeply held shared desire to get it right next time and move on. All it takes to thaw out frozen minds and hearts stuck in conflict is the warmth of the wisdom of forgiveness.
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